Sleep-away camp
It was a very big deal for us (as parents) to make the decision to send Isabella to sleep-away camp. Last summer, she went for two weeks with a girlfriend from school (read: built-in safety net — that’s good for the child, but mostly the parents).When we went to pick her up to come home to attend a family function, she asked to go back for another two weeks. We obliged. This summer we wanted a camp with more academics. We found one, but the only option was 7 weeks. Yikes! Isabella’s response: “Seven weeks is a long time.” Yes, […]
Graduation — a milestone
Isabella’s first request for her graduation from the Banyan School was Aunt Joan and Uncle Donald’s attendance. Since her grandparents are no longer with us, Isabella (and the rest of the family) has looked to my father’s brother and his wife as our wise elders. It’s a reminder of the importance of the generational connection. I was lucky enough to have four grandparents until I was 16. My paternal grandfather passed away only seven years before his son, my father. He was a vital force in the lives of all 12 of his grandchildren. The graduation went off without a […]
Learning through fear (the parents)
Today marks the fourth time that Isabella has gone off on her own unexpectedly. The first was probably the most serious. She was just four years old and had just learned to use the bathroom. She was with my sister at a street fair. Yes, a street fair — every parent’s nightmare locus for a missing child, perhaps only second to a mall. (Isabella became lost there once several years back while on my watch.) At the street fair, she was looking for a bathrrom. After jumping up onto vendors’ tables and screaming her name, I found Isabella crying in a one of those […]
Maybe we did a good job
When you have a child who is not developing at the same rate as her peers, you worry about the future. Really, you worry about all of your children. I see many of my friends’ grown children living at home. Some have graduated from college and have gainful employment, even careers. Others are, well, lost. We really can’t predict who will get out of the house and who won’t — for our neurotypical kids. For our “different” kids, we definitely know. And as they age, we know for sure. So we worry. We consult with attorneys. We look into state […]
Different, Not Less
The spoken motto of the made-for-TV movie and true-life story “Temple Grandin” is different, not less. And Temple certainly proves herself that. She speaks too loudly and too fast; she does not understand body language; she spins around and around for longer than normal; and she experiences tantrums as a teenager — to name a few of the qualities that label her as different. Those of us with children with neurodevelopmental disorders are all too familiar with these and other “non-typical” behaviors. Our children are mocked, shunned, and left out of “normal” childhood life. Those were not, however, the Temple […]
Leaving home for more than an errand
A 13-year-old (same age as Isabella) boy with Asperger’s left school and rode the subway — for 11 days. Just writing the sentence makes my heart sink. He was reprimanded in school and did not want to deal with further scolding at home, so he rode the subway until a transit worker spotted him. All parents worry about their children getting abducted, thanks to all the publicized incidents since Ethan Patz in Greenwich Village. I remember seeing his image on milk cartons. Parents of children with development disabilities have much greater worries. We worry that our kids will get distracted […]
Being a teenager
Two biggies. Driving in the car, Isabella told us that she hated a song and named the group — correctly. Of course, the radio dial was changed immediately until she found an acceptable song. And then she sang along, knowing every word. Okay, she was completely off pitch and her words weren’t perfectly synced with the radio. Who cares! She memorized all the words. This has positive implications for school and learning. Later, at PF Chang’s, where we go for the gluten-free menu, she was cold. She politely asked the waitress to close the take-out door because she was chilly. Speaking up and […]
We need a better calendar
Something bad happened. We forgot to bring Isabella to a weekend birthday party! Because she doesn’t have any great friends in town, getting invited to parties of school friends is a big deal. Isabella talked about this party incessantly. The birthday girl was a new friend. Maybe that’s why we forgot. After a while, when talk becomes repetitive, you stop listening. We realized that we forgot the same day of the party — when it was over, of course. We didn’t say anything. The next day, when Isabella came home from school, she told me that we forgot the party. […]
Dancing without inhibition
Our family was invited to a swank bat mitzvah, which was more like a wedding. The music involved a DJ, a host, and several entourage people whose job it was to get the guests on the dance floor. The moms did not need these dance wranglers, nor did Isabella. She perched herself above the floor by the DJ. She was clearly having fun. I got a pang as I watched her contemporaries dance together even though she was the only one really dancing. They were jumping in a mitzvah mosh pit. I longed for a brother-sister act. Will that ever […]
More street crossing
It has happened. Isabella has crossed the street by herself without me following her. Several streets. One after another. It’s all good.
Independence
Two of the three children in our home are selectively independent, meaning that they do what they want without doing what I want. Independence without the responsibility. I think that’s normal. While Victoria and Zachary hang out locally, going to the movies, visiting friends’ homes, picking up a snack at Panera, Isabella stays with me. She does not seem to mind. We go shopping, attempt bike riding, watch a movie on TV. I don’t mind either. She’s good company. For the most part, there’s no complaining. She doesn’t whine when I say that we’re going to Whole Foods. Instead, she […]